Feelings follow behaviour

Many times the way we feel when we get up in the morning determines the way our day would be. Not having a great nights rest, or burning the midnight oil can have its toll on you and would show in the day.

Very often when it comes to certain relationships, relationships at work, school or play we often find people or individuals that we click with immediately and often we find the individuals we don’t click with not just immediately but not at all.

I’ve always saw myself being quite an easy going person, I get along with people of all walks of life and very seldom find myself not “getting on” with people along my path. And if it came to that I knew how to keep my distance and also just knew that the problem can’t be with me but with the other person.

I had a colleague once who shared an office space with me, well needless to say that when she started I went in with idea of us being great colleagues as we will be sharing an office but oh boy was I wrong. This colleague and I were like oil and water – struggling to see eye to eye and often I would try and work it out and be just a bit more patient but as soon as that thought came it would go as she would then have found a better way of getting under my skin.

This feeling of I can’t handle her anymore became so strong that it showed in the way I behaved when around her. The office suddenly became too small to host the two of us and with me only seeing the negative side to her did not help me in getting on with my day. Other colleague often asked about this love-hate relationship of ours as the tension was clearly visible. Always trying to keep it professional I would laugh and make as if I have no idea what they were talking about, always thinking I’ll give her another chance. Even though I thought that I am keeping it together the feelings I had towards her showed in my behaviour.

As soon as I realised it I tried harder at least being civil to each other. To my own surprise, I invited her and partner over for dinner and made a point of getting to know the person outside work. Needless to say I had to do it long ago as the understanding between us became much better.

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It’s better to practice a little than talk a lot

Being a mother I often find myself preaching my children. I can just imagine what must be going through their little heads when I start yapping about this and that – awh there she goes again. But often I preach for good reason as I believe that I as a parent am responsible for the type of adults they would be.

I tell myself that I can fail in any other department but I cannot fail raising my children. Sometimes we as parents don’t understand the big responsibility we have on our shoulders when it comes to our children. What we allow and what we don’t allow. I believe that what you put in (the hard work, the love and the commitment) is what you will get out at the end of the day.

We often tell our children you need to do this and need to be that but we turn around and not being either of what we told them. I suppose it boils down to practice what you preach. But sometimes we often preach way too much and forget that we should lead by example. I’ve seen so many times how parent forget so easily what they’ve said and be reminded by the minor. It happens, at the end of the day we also just human and strive for better, but it is better than to lead by example through actions than to speak empty words.

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Wedding cake-in-the-middle-of-the-road

Being in love is probably one of the most exciting times for both girls and boys. The romantic dates, the text messaging now and again and the surprise visits that causes your heart to skip a beat.

Often young couples are so over the moon that they lose themselves in this idea of being in love and being together forever that ultimately the next step is to get married. But do they understand what it means to be married and the responsibilities that go with marriage besides just being together and happy ever after?

I suppose society does not help a lot in this regard, the fairy tale stories and romantic movies with only the happy and not always so realistic endings. Sometimes hopeless romantics find themselves in that place where tying the knot and being with you forever is all that matters and end up getting married way to soon or early in their lives, not knowing what the dynamics are.

Maybe it would be wise to have a more realistic approach when it comes to relationships and know the responsibilities that go with it, rather going into it closed eyes and have a rude awakening when it is too late.

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Its a poor idea to lie to youself

Working in publishing we often have students working as interns with our teams. I’ve seen many interns come and go and ones that even return to the company as staff due to them being so hard working. But then again I’ve also met the ones that found it difficult to fit in and often don’t know how to handle themselves in the working world. Not due to the lack of maturity but due to the lack of respect.

During lunch the intern currently with the magazine joined our group and what a pleasure to have her around. She was a fourth year student and telling us that she manages to secure another internship at a company abroad over our summer holidays. This youngster is extremely talented and hardworking as we learn that she’s also writing a book and was offered to have her thesis published.

But all of this was not easy, she told us of how even that she soared academically, that socially her existence was equally important if not more. She explained how she experienced student life, being part of Cape Town’s most prestigious universities. She said that as with high school, the students on varsity had such an obsession with what you are, who you linked to and your social status. Being rich was very important to them and being liked and accepted with the “ in “ crowd was much more important than getting that 80% that exam or assignment.

She explained that youngsters would go against who they really are, their beliefs, morals and values just to part of the it group. She said being young and seeing this happen to her own friends she soon had to differentiate between what important and what’s not. Do I want to be popular and lie about who I am merely just to be accepted by a group of people that’s mostly fake or do I want to work hard and make something of myself even if it means to be part of the minority.

This to me was amazing as this youngster had so much more going for her due to her strong foundation and confidence knowing exactly where she was heading. How many youngsters can say that today? I think back to myself and think how peer pressure not only exists in high school but beyond the workplace too. It is up to you to decide if you going to lie about who you are and what your plan is or just to go with the crowd and live up to others expectations.

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The sound of one hand clapping

The sound of one hand clapping, does the statement make any sense at all? How is it even possible for one hand to clap, there would be no sound. I thought that just maybe the statement has nothing to do with the physical hands. As we all know it is impossible for one hand to clap as it would need the second surface (in this case the hand) to produce a sound.

This made me think about the underlying message. The following meaning could or could not be what the topic implies. I see this statement as a department, a team working together for one goal. As you know you need both of your hands in order to clap and hear a sound. Then the same rule applies to the team, each one of the members is needed in order to reach their final result. But in many cases this is easier said than done.

Because teams in most cases are made up from a diverse group of people, is it sometimes hard to get everyone in agreement. In the same scenario, is it also difficult to get everyone working together due to the fact of each member being an individual. It is this individuality that makes us unique.

When a department / team can’t work together will it be very difficult for the team to reach their goal or target as they need the input of all members. This can be a very stressful situation especially for the one leading the group as questions will be asked and answers needs to be given. If one or more persons fail to do their part it could have great implications for the entire team and the project or campaign they’re working on.

This would then for me be, “the sound of one hand clapping”.

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Not all who wonder are lost

While sitting in my car waiting on my sister to finish up at work, I keep myself busy by just watching people walking by. Don’t judge but this could easily be one of my favourite pass times. Watching the different people rushing home from work, rushing to catch their train or bus and some just taking their time getting to wherever it is they need to be.

I find myself watching their expressions and telling a story by just looking at them. Who knows, I might be right or I might be way off, but does it matter? Well one afternoon I was again doing my thing while waiting and noticed this group of girls (tourists I assumed) walking by, up and down the same building looking a bit lost.

I sat back and kept my eye on them, feeling that I need to see if I could at least help them find their way. But because I was sitting in my car, I thought it would be a bit weird just walking up to them and I just remained seated. Being a mother, all sorts of things went through my mind and I thought I would not forgive myself if I should read in the newspaper that something has happened to these girls…what can I say, I have a weird imagination.

My paranoia finally got the best of me and I got out of my car and asked them if I could help with some direction as I noticed them walking pass the building a few times. Well firstly to my surprise were they not tourist and very much local, judging by the accents of course. Secondly and lastly, they are students working on an assignment and had to take photographs but could not decide which side of the building would work best, hence walking up and down and don’t forget the camera’s they were sporting – real tourist-y like isn’t.

I walked off to my car feeling like a real tool and vowed that next time I would just mind my own business because not all who wonder are lost.

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How to step from the top of a 100-foot pole

Isn’t the title just so scary? Just reading it out loud makes me think why on earth would I be on a 100-foot pole and then more importantly why would I then want to get off it anyway? The only thing that comes to mind and makes sense in my head is like taking a leap of faith. Nothing that really matters on this earth has any guarantees, so we do kind of live our lives day by day taking a leap of faith.

As individuals we have so much going on in life. We worry about almost everything, no matter our age. We find ourselves worrying about our success, career, studies, family, relationships and the list goes on. Its normal they say (whoever they are) but none of the subjects mentioned above comes without a bit of sacrifice or risk if you may.

The words sacrifice and risk is a bit harsh and not very easy on my ear, I prefer thinking of it as taking a leap of faith. The fear of the unknown can be overwhelming but anything worth it and that matters is worth taking a leap of faith or in this case stepping down a 100-foot pole. If we don’t try, we’ll never know and if we fail (I hope I don’t) we live and we learn and take that lesson with us when leaping into the next.

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